The effects of -isms and bias on Me

As an early childhood educator I realize the role I play in the lives of the children and families I work with.  The way I interact with them can impact the way they perceive education and educators into the future.  I have taken time throughout this journey to think about my own biases and how they affect these relationships, but until now I haven't thought about how it would affect me if I was experiencing the same biases.  Where I live and work I am part of the dominant culture, so I haven't often experienced many biases or -isms directly.  However, I have experienced ageism. 


I graduated from college and obtained my first teaching job at the age of 20.  I taught kindergarten and had no idea I would face criticism for my age.  I had parents double guess my strategies and recommendations, because they didn't believe I had enough life experience to give them advice.  This caused me to double guess myself.  I struggled in the classroom, and took out my frustrations on the children by not providing them enough time to explore and learn.  I was told by several parents and even colleagues that I was too young and naive to realize that play wasn't appropriate in kindergarten, and that the children needed more rules and assigned seats.  They needed worksheets and homework.  When I stood up and said that wasn't what research said, they all said, "Well, when you grow up you will realize the error of your thinking."  This ageism really caused me to struggle and do things that I knew weren't developmentally appropriate.  I look back that this year and cringe at some of the things I asked those children to do.  I had them using worksheets and took away much of their free play time.  I was so bombarded by the thought that I was too young to know how to teach that I allowed others to make decisions for me. 


As I look back on this experience I realize that I allowed an -ism to overcome me.  It caused me to be drained emotionally and I wasn't able to provide the best environment for the children in my classroom.  With almost ten more years of experience and years in my life I do realize that I have matured and learned a lot about myself and education, but I also recognize that had I not been bombarded with ageism my first year of teaching I would have provided a much more appropriate environment and relationships with the children and families in my classroom.